Heartless Page 16

  However, during the search, a new subject has been identified and apprehended. Subject’s companion has too much knowledge and must be eliminated.

  The search continues.

  Hi Mom,

  I think I need you and Dad to come.

  I love you.

  Your Jolene

  Daddy and I are on our way. We’ll be there by tomorrow evening. Hang tight, and call me when you can talk. My heart’s in my throat. I’ll see you soon. Baby, I know you don’t have your own phone, but please, call me. As soon as you can. From any phone. I’ll answer. I’m waiting to hear from you.

  Love you.

  Mommy

  I shouted, as best as a frog-voice could shout, first in fear and then in anger.

  “Eli, you scared the crap out of me!”

  He stood outside the police car, one arm against the roof, staring through the window at me. His face was pinched in a furious scowl, one that my haggard face would have mirrored if it could have. As if he’s the one who was abandoned, sent out to die, and then locked in the back of a police car like a criminal. As if he’s the one who was falling apart.

  His anger only made mine snowball. I glared at him with my white-out eyes.

  He yanked the door handle, jerked it open, and pulled me out.

  “Come on,” he said. “We’re leaving.”

  I tried to pull away. “Quit! You might pull my arm off! Asshole!”

  “Asshole? Me?” he hissed. “I’m the asshole who went running off and almost got Lucy killed? I’m the asshole? Come on. Get out.”

  Still I struggled. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I’m staying here, and waiting for Lucy!”

  He spoke through a clenched jaw. “People are starting to stare, and attention is the last thing you need right now.” He was right, but I wasn’t about to admit it. “Besides, if you want to wait for Lucy, you’re going to be waiting a long time.”

  My stomach dropped. I stopped fighting and followed him out of the car. “What do you mean? Do you know what’s going on with Lucy?” Eyes followed us as we left the emergency bay and walked toward the darkened parking lot.

  “Quiet!” he said, his voice sharp as a tack. “You sound like a monster and look even worse. Keep your mouth shut until we’re in the car!”

  I muttered one more “asshole” under my nonexistent breath, but followed in silence, dragging my bum ankle through the snow like a zombie-girl, until we reached his car. Even in the dark, I saw Eli shake his head in annoyance at me more than once. Fury radiated off of him like steam from a street after a storm on a hot summer day.

  Eli opened the door for me, a gentleman even in moments of duress, and I half-fell into the car, pulling my bad leg in behind me. He closed my door and climbed into the driver’s seat.

  Finally safe in the solitude of a locked car, I felt like I could speak again. “Please, Eli! Tell me, I need to know. Have you heard from Lucy?”

  Eli stared out the windshield and cracked open his window as he pulled out of the parking space, the tires slipping on black ice before finding traction and moving in the right direction. I reached over and touched his arm. “Please. Talk to me.”

  He jerked away from my touch and cracked his head on his window. He cursed, loudly. But when he spoke again a moment later, his voice was low and in control. “Don’t. Touch. Me. Don’t ever touch me again.”

  A memory flashed—Eli pulling off my shirt, kissing the tender spot just above my clavicle, as if he’d never be able to stop—and I almost cried out at its intensity. My hand fell silently to the center console of the car. I felt like I’d been slapped. “Please,” I said in a voice barely audible. “Please. Just tell me what you know about Lucy. I won’t touch you again. I promise.”

  Eli pulled the car into a spot in the far corner of the parking lot. He turned it off, but still wouldn’t look at me as he spoke. “Lucy’s going to live, but she’s really sick, Jo.” He was quiet and measured.

  “Does she have hypothermia? Is she okay?”

  “No,” he snapped. “No, Jo. She has arsenic poisoning. Arsenic! Like it’s a hundred years ago, and someone tried to poison her. But no one tried to poison her, Jo. Someone just did.”

  “Who?” I was confused. It had been a long day, and I never cared for riddles. “Just tell me!”

  “You did, Jo! Who the hell else could it have been? You! You’re filled with all that chemical crap. She’s been breathing it in for forty-eight hours. And it’s poisoning her. By trying to help you, she got sick. And then, oh, should we even mention again you two moron twins going out to try to find the bad guys on your own. You’re both lucky you’re still alive, or at least as alive as you are. What the hell were you two thinking?”

  Crap, I thought. I needed comfort, support in this evil time, so I reached for his hand.

  Of course he jerked it away again. “Stop trying to touch me! What, do you want to kill me, too?”

  Shaking my head, I sagged against the passenger’s side door. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  And I was.

  It was our third date, Eli’s and mine. He made me dinner at his apartment and then we headed out to see a late movie. It was already past dark and the night had turned cold fast. I reached forward and turned up the heater. Eli caught my hand.

  “No, don’t,” he said, pulling my hand onto his thigh, wrapping his fingers around mine.

  I yanked it away. I was cold. “Why not?” I said, teasing. “Too cheap to pay for heat?”

  The car wound down a twisting, turning mountain lane, passing under occasional streetlights that let off hazy, foggy circles of light. As we passed through one, Eli glanced at me, then pulled the car to the side of the road with a jerk. The streetlight shone down on the car, filtering in through the windshield like the dying embers of a fire.

  He reached across the car and took my cheeks in his hands. They were warm, and remarkably soft and gentle. He brushed a stray lock of hair from my lashes. “It’s just…” he said, and then he looked away. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed, or confused. Maybe he was both.

  “What?” I said. My own voice was quiet, subdued. Soft. “What’s wrong?”

  He turned back to me, a sheepish grin on his face, his cheek dimpling slightly. “It’s just that you’re so pretty when you’re cold. Your cheeks get so pink. It makes me want to hold you close to me forever, you know?”

  I slid across the car, pulling myself over the center console until I was seated partially on his lap, the steering wheel pressing deep into my hip. I leaned forward and kissed the smile from his lips, wrapping my hands around his neck. His mouth opened, and his tongue found mine. His hands wandered beneath my coat in search of warm, supple flesh. They found it, and he pulled me closer.

  I caught sight of my reflection in the window as Eli drove us back to the dorm, each of us sticking to our separate sides of the front seat.

  Saying I looked ill would have been the understatement of the century. My eyes sank so far into my cheeks they looked like hollows in my face. The flap on my cheek, which I’d so carefully sewn the day before, was no longer attached and fluttered in the breeze that blew in through the open windows. Much of my nose was gone, leaving a hole in the center of my face, and what little remained was mottled black and gray. My lips were also gray, and when I opened my mouth, I saw receding gums and massive, chalky teeth. Skeletal teeth.

  I was a monster. Uglier and more terrifying than ever before.

  No wonder Eli couldn’t bear for me to touch him.

  I pulled off a glove, and as I did a fingernail dropped to the floor. Eli shuddered. “You’re not leaving that in here. Pick it up. Throw it out the window.”

  There was nothing I could do but comply. He deserved more than detached fingernails on the floor of his car. We drove the rest of the way to the dorm in silence.

  When we pulled up to Calvin Hall, Eli gave me a critical glance. “Well, we can’t take you past the front desk looking like that, that’s for sure.
Don’t want another death by heart attack on our consciences. I’ll have to slip you in the fire door.”

  “Won’t you set off the alarm?”

  “Nope. We used to sneak beer in all the time that way freshman year. There’s a trick to the latch.” For the first time, I saw a shadow of a smile cross his lips, but he quashed it before it could grow.

  “Are you coming up?”

  He nodded. “Let’s go.”

  We wrapped my head in a scarf, my ski mask long since disappeared, and pulled a hoodie up over it. Eli kept a hand on my back as he pushed me through the open fire door and into the elevator, which was good since I was starting to feel my battery run low. Any help in propulsion was appreciated.

  The elevator was empty, and I said a silent thank-you to whatever god was watching out for me. Eli covered his mouth with his sleeve, a cheap barrier against my stench and chemical emissions. I tried not to feel bad about it. It was better that he protect himself. I didn’t want him being sick on my conscience, either.

  As we walked down the hall, I noticed my door stood open. “That’s weird,” I said, but it was also lucky. I didn’t have my keys with me anymore; they were back in Lucy’s Honda on Primrose Path. A place to which I never wanted to return.

  “Since when do you leave your door open?” Eli said.

  “Um, I don’t know that I did.”

  He gripped my arm and froze. “Do you think someone’s been in there?”

  My head swooned; it had been a long time since I’d left the cozy warmth of the car charger. “Not…sure…” I managed, before I collapsed.

  I wasn’t out long this time. Eli carried me past the prying eyes peeking out from other dorms. We reached my bed, and he plugged me into the wall. My eyes fluttered open almost immediately, and, out of sheer habit and shock, I gasped.

  My room was a disaster. Ransacked, searched, whatever you wanted to call it, it had been done to my room. Clothes were strewn about, hanging on furniture and across my mirror. My laptop lay in the middle of the floor, the screen-saver flickering. Books, notebooks, pens and pencils. The mess was everywhere.

  “What…” I said, as soon as I took it all in.

  Eli sat at my desk, looking confused. “No idea,” he said. “But if you and Lucy didn’t leave it this way, apparently someone’s looking for something.”

  I was still woozy, but I sat up in the bed. “Will you bring me my computer please?” I said. “I can’t get up quite yet.”

  Eli nodded, did as I asked, and then retreated to the other side of the room.

  The laptop came to life as soon as I touched the space bar. A browser was open, set to my email, and an email from my mother was highlighted. I shrugged. I didn’t feel like talking to her right then, so I left the email unread.

  “Whatever,” I said. “I’ll just clean it up later.”

  Eli shrugged again. “Shouldn’t we call someone?”

  “Who?” I said. “Who would I call? The police? Campus security? The President? We already know someone’s after me, and I doubt anyone can help. Besides, I’m sure Officer Strong will come by at some point anyway. Seriously.” I thought for a moment. “Look, Lucy’s safe now. She’s in a hospital, far away from me, and safe from whoever’s doing this stuff. That’s what matters most. And you…you should leave too, Eli. Just go, far away from me. So I know you’re safe, too. The rest of it? It doesn’t matter. They can have whatever they want from this room.”

  Eli nodded. He still looked so angry with me, I couldn’t bear to look at him. He stood up and headed toward the bathroom.

  “You’re not leaving, are you,” I said. It wasn’t actually a question.

  “No. Strong made me promise to stay with you when he called me. To keep you safe. He actually told me to wait with you in his car, but that sounded stupid. I can keep you safe here. But I’m staying in Lucy’s room. With the door closed.” He sighed, and suddenly he looked less angry, more sad. “You know, Jo? All this stuff going down? It’s dangerous. Someone’s going to get hurt. And I almost wonder, well, maybe it would’ve been better if you’d just died, like a normal person would have.”

  He left my room and closed the door behind him.

  Alone, I used all my strength to walk across my cluttered room, pulling my cord behind me. I sat down at my desk and stared into the mirror at my monster face. I replayed his words in my head, over and over and over. They hurt, like a knife to the throat, and as much as it pained me, I knew he was right.

  As I stared, to my surprise, a single, green-tinted tear rolled down my cheek.

  I brushed it away with an angry swipe—too little, too late—and turned back to my computer.

  Jo1995: Did you know #arsenic poisoning can cause severe abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting? Me, either.

  Jo1995: Holy crap, it also causes cancer. You hear that? #Arsenic causes cancer.

  Jo1995: Ew, the rashes caused by #arsenic poisoning are disgusting!

  Jo1995: Why isn’t #arsenic trending yet, people? This is serious stuff!

  Jo1995: I am the worst friend ever. Stupid #arsenic.

  EliPete21: @Jo1995 Go to bed, Jo.

  Jo1995: @EliPete21 I can’t! Come talk to me?

  EliPete21: @Jo1995 Hush

  The sound of infomercials from Lucy’s room was about to put me over the edge.

  Ladies, are your thighs not what they were when you were twenty? Well, this ThighBuster machine will slim them right down so you can fit into your sexy skinny jeans again.

  Check out what the MasterSham will do for you! Watch as I pour this gallon of liquid on my carpet. One touch with the MasterSham and the carpet is dry as a bone!

  MasterSham, I thought. My life IS a MasterSham. I AM a MasterSham. I looked down to my legs, on which the skin was starting to crackle. And if I lose any more of my thighs I’m in even more trouble.

  I stood up from my desk, unplugged, and headed to the bathroom. Chances were Eli was sound asleep over there. I always gave him a hard time for falling asleep with the TV on full blast, and I figured I could sneak in, turn it off, and at least have some quiet in my room. On the way, I stopped at my open window and took a peek outside. The snowy squall of the afternoon was finally over. The moon shone brightly on the fresh snow, and the smoking bench was surrounded by other students from my dorm, smoking and talking and laughing like they hadn’t a care in the world. I used to hang out there sometimes, never smoking, telling lewd jokes like I was cooler than I actually was, trying to out-gross the boys as a way of fitting in. Those days seemed distant, and I missed them desperately. Longingly. I rested my battered hand against the glass of my window, pressed against it, reaching out for a life that was no longer my own.

  As I stared, a black-hooded figure caught my eyes. He stood slightly behind the smoking group, set back within the trees beside my building, not far from my window. The smokers didn’t seem to notice his presence. I couldn’t see the figure’s face, but he saw me, and raised a hand in greeting. I jumped back.

  “Eli!” I shouted. “Eli, get in here! Quick!”

  I may have sounded like a deranged bullfrog, but at least I was loud enough that within three seconds Eli stood beside me. He was bedraggled, confused, startled. “What? What happened?” He’d not yet rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

  “There’s a man outside my window!” I said, pointing. “Look!”

  Eli ran to the window. “The smokers? Jo, what are you talking about?”

  I looked, and he was gone. The smokers, however, gazed upward at my room, their eyes drawn by the noise I’d made and the light in my window.

  “No, a man! Right behind the smokers!” I was frustrated. He’d been there. I saw him. I thought.

  “Well, he’s gone now. I’m sure he heard you. There’s no way he didn’t hear you. I’ll look for footprints in the morning.” He was shivering, even though he wore pants, shoes, socks, and his fleece.

  I closed the window, using my full body weight for leverage. I didn’t think I could rely
on muscle strength anymore. “Right. Fine. Someone’s out there, right now, Eli! I swear! It’s probably one of the guys who chased us today!”

  He sighed. “Maybe. Possibly. But what would you like me to do about it? I’m just one guy.”

  “Should we call Strong?”

  “He’s busy with Lucy. I spoke with him earlier, before I came to get you. He’s not leaving her side.” Eli actually smiled, then turned back to the window. “About time that girl found a good guy. She’s sweet. I like Lucy. Always did. Thought you and she made a good little team.”

  I resisted the urge to go to Eli by repeating the word “arsenic” to myself like a mantra. I wanted to run to him, let him fold me up in his arms, let him pull me down onto the bed beside him. It was a childish need, I realized, to feel safe and protected, a damsel in distress with her knight in shining armor.

  But I couldn’t endanger Eli the way I had Lucy. And it wasn’t exactly like he was dying to hold me anyway. “Go back to your apartment,” I said. “I can take care of myself.”

  He shook his head no. Then, for the first time since I’d showed up at his apartment two days earlier, he reached out and brushed his fingertips gently across my cheek. He didn’t wince.

  I only wished I could have felt it. Really, truly felt his touch, apart from the vague pressure that washed across my face.

  From the hallway came a shout, and then a knock on my door, shattering the moment of kindnesses and regrets. “Jo! Eli! Open up!”

  It was Strong. Eli reached the door in two strides and threw it open.

  “Officer Strong!” I said. “What is it? Is Lucy okay? Oh, God, is she…” I couldn’t say the word.

  He stepped in and let his coat drop to the floor. “No, no, she’s fine. Lucy’s fine. But we need to talk.” He kicked off his tall, wet boots, and left them in the center of the floor, where melting snow collected in a soggy puddle. Strong sat in my desk chair, straddling the back and ramrod straight. “In the first place, why are you two here? Didn’t I instruct you to wait at my squad car?”